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Characters: Pharma, Ratchet Location: Starting on the Nemesis, moving to the desert outside of Jasper Content Warnings: Warnings for slight gore, warnings for dark themes Plot Summary: Pharma in a moment of desperation finally gets the courage to escape the Nemesis
Pharma's legs felt like weights, nearly dead weight when he was shoved through the halls, his frame heaving and shaking, optics dulled, color duller. Energon dripped from the corner of his left optic, which had been cracked from the sheer force of the most recent blow to his helm while he clammed up tight about the location of the Autobot base. Nothing any of the Decepticons could do--not Megatron, not Soundwave, not Shockwave, not even Tarn or Kaon--could move him into betraying the trust that Ratchet had given him.
Ratchet. He wondered if Ratchet was okay. If Ratchet was alive. If Ratchet had made it without cracking as hard as he had at Delphi.
Dear Primus, Delphi. The patients he'd let slip away, and then the patients he'd forced to slip away, and then the ones he'd agonized over, feeling himself breaking every little bit more. The first time he'd taken a laser scalpel to a patient's spark to forcibly end a life. That had been the moment that broke him.
In all the racing thoughts, he purged hard thinking about that.
Delphi had been a breaking point. He still remembered creating Red Rust. Originally, he had never intended to inundate Delphi itself with the virus. That had been desperation. He had originally tried to offer anything he could to Sonic and Boom to pay them to detonate the sound-bomb within earshot of the D.J.D. However, that had fallen through when Sonic and Boom had told him it wasn't worth their lives to do so. Desperation had set in. Desperation had destroyed Delphi. Desperation had destroyed his reputation. Desperation had destroyed his life.
And here he was in the same desperate state. He was thrown into a small, dank room, the door left open only on the virtue that Kaon believed that his infalliable little guard-dog was just that--infalliable. Pharma's dull optics fixed on the silvery-blue beast and he shook heavily. He purged heavily again, shuddering.
That was when it hit him. He didn't want to be here, and maybe this bonkers mutt wasn't as infalliable as it seemed. When he saw the pet starting to lap at the sticky mess of half-processed energon, it hit him. He clasped his shackled hands together and suddenly slammed them down on the beast's helm, watching the Pet drop like a rock.
Though trembling, he stood. "Sorry, mutt, but Ratchet needs me..."
He staggered through the door, barely able to see through one optic, but rushing desperately. He knew there had to be a small shuttle bay with escape pods. Every ship worth its salt had escape pods. His wings scraped the walls with a horrid shriek and his steps seemed to thud louder than he wanted them to. His vents were ragged, rattling with the rancid dust of the Nemesis and the half-processed energon that he'd purged, the half-processed energon he bled with wounds that had been left untreated by Kaon's sick demands.
He hadn't been sure he had finally made it to the escape pods when he had gotten into the dimmed shuttle bay until he collapsed against an escape pod. It was small, and almost more like a tube, but it would do. He pried it open with shaking hands, then staggered inside. He then slammed it shut and tried to input coodinates for the Nevada desert. Once he had the coordinates, he slammed a button, the small escape pod shooting out.
"...Primus, give me a sign...give me a sign..." He whispered into the dead air around him.
He finally felt it land, rattling his already shaken frame. He felt a sick feeling overcome him but fought it. Swallowed the energon that threatened to rise. He shivered and whimpered but tapped into something that had been blocked on the Nemesis.
'Ratchet...can you hear me? If you can hear me...give me a sign.'
Even after returning to the Autobot base, Ratchet hadn't quite been the same after his kidnapping. Wheeljack and Optimus had done a good job of holding him together and attempting to bring him back to a sense of normalcy, but there was someone else that the medic needed. He needed Pharma back.. Losing Pharma a second time had left a crushing impact on Ratchet, and he didn't know what to do. It wasn't like he could go charging back to the Nemesis and surrender himself, even if he knew where the Nemesis was currently positioned.
He couldn't let Wheeljack and Pharma's efforts of rescuing him go to waste. Besides.. Pharma wouldn't have wanted that, either.
There were days where Ratchet was alright, but even the smallest thought of Pharma would bring the pain back. He'd been through enough! How much more did Pharma have to suffer during this Primus forsaken war? Just when the younger medic had felt he was making progress with his mentor and adopted sire's recovery from Delphi.. everything was going to be undone in an instant.
Ratchet paced through the medical bay, today being another one of those days where he couldn't get his processor off of Pharma and what he surely must have been going through. The horrors that Kaon and the rest of the DJD must have been doing to him. Every time the thought of the DJD came to his processor, Tarn's words echoed through his thoughts.
"One of them…is still deceiving you."
Even with Optimus' words, he still couldn't believe Pharma would be betraying him. There was no way it was possible.. Ratchet shuttered his optics tightly, grimacing at the mere thought.
But then, a single voice rang out, breaking him from his train of thoughts. He recognized the voice immediately, optics widening. He was alive! Somehow.. he was alive! At first he remained quiet, so shocked and stunned that he didn't know how to respond. Eventually, he let everything and anything that rolled into his processor flow out of him. 'Pharma!? Is.. Is that you? Oh thank you Primus.. Thank you Primus! Please.. Please, tell me where you are. Give me your coordinates.. anything. I need to see you.'
Dead air would come from his end of the comm for a moment. 'Alright.' He would list off the coordinates quietly, his vocalizer clicking softly for a moment. His optics squinted slightly. He didn't know if it was from exhaustion or the fact that he was no longer used to the light at this point. Probably a little bit of both. His spark seemed strained and exhausted.
Like they were going to take him back though. He would probably be put on trial as a war criminal at this point. Ratchet was one of the only few on his side, he was sure. Everyone had to know about Delphi at this point...
"...I...I could find a way to lace a soundbomb with red rust again..." He murmured. "But if I did it at the Autobot outpost I'd be a monster. Perhaps if I found a way to...get it sent to the Nemesis?" He murmured. He was honestly trying to keep himself conscious but at the same time he was getting scared, paranoid, looking for a way out of his own personal hell.
The radio silence alone was enough to send Ratchet into a panicked frenzy. What if something had happened to Pharma? Was it all in his head that he heard his adopted sire at all? He was so sure that he had heard him! He didn't know what to do, let alone what to say, and was left there a complete and utter mess.
That was until a huge wave of relief crashed down on him as the seeker began to speak again.
..something wasn't right. He was never this quiet.
"I'm coming. I swear I'm coming. Just.. Just hold tight. Please be safe..!" Without a moment's hesitation, Ratchet powered up the ground bridge, inputting the coordinates that the older mech had given him. Tarn's words that echoed throughout his processor would have to wait. Pharma needed help immediately, and a second wasted could lead to him losing one of the most important mechs in his life a third time. That was something Ratchet would most certainly not be able to handle.
Rushing through the ground bridge, the medic scanned for Pharma. There was no sign of him, but there was an escape pod that he could see. Maybe he was in there? He had to be! Ratchet dashed to the pod frantically, terrified of what he might find. "Pharma?!" Desperate digits worked at the pod's cover, working to get it open. "Please, Pharma! Are you in there..?!"
A few more tries and he finally got it open, staring inside the pod with widened optics. There he was.. Pharma was indeed in the pod. Bound and injured.. but alive.
Optics welled up as he stared down at Pharma, trying to find anything to say. His mouth repeatedly opened and closed, but nothing would come out. Without even thinking, he practically lunged towards Pharma, wrapping his arms around the seeker as the tears flowed. "Pharma..!! Oh thank Primus.. I.. I was so afraid.. So afraid that I had lost you for good. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.. This is all my fault this happened to you."
He hadn't the strength to speak anymore, but he could still hear Ratchet, his optics tearing up and misting over. His frame trembled slightly, but he tried to keep from betraying it even now, the shackles holding him tight still. His spark was thrumming hard, almost as though there were double the spark in his chest.
Which wasn't too far from the truth if he was feeling this dizzy.
"Ratchet..." He croaked out with a weak smile. He was so glad just to see Ratchet that when he heard Ratchet blame himself, the smile faded once again.
"Not your fault. I...chose...to sacrifice..." He panted heavily. Having been starved and having to fuel a newspark wasn't helping him in the slightest. But he didn't want to give it up. That would just be taking control away from him and he was tired of having no control of his life.
Even with how overly emotional he was at the moment, Ratchet was still surprised to hear Pharma's words. He'd chosen to stay behind..? With tensions as high as they were, and given the physical and emotional state Ratchet had been in, it was no wonder he had overlooked Pharma sacrificing himself.. The younger medic had been distracted by his Conjunx forcibly removing him from the situation.
"I'm so... so glad.. you're alive."
Once the medic had expelled enough raw emotion, he began to think a bit more clearly. That's right.. The pod. The Decepticons would be able to track it, wouldn't they? In that case, it was best to get Pharma out of there immediately. Letting go of him, he raised the seeker's bound wrists up a bit, turning one of his servos into the very laser scalpel he'd received from his mentor back at Delphi. "I need you to stay as still as you can.." Steadily, Ratchet used the laser scalpel to break through the center of the shackles. At least now Pharma could use his servos, but the cuff pieces would have to wait a bit longer. They were in a hurry, after all.
Reverting his servo back to normal, he helped pull Pharma from the pod. "Can you walk..? The ground bridge isn't too far from here, but we have to go."
Pharma swallowed. It was hard to admit that he'd stayed behind. To admit that he had done something selfless instead of selfish for once. He vented softly and swallowed quietly. It would be hard to admit stuff like that in the future.
When he heard Ratchet's words, he gave a tired, but sweet smile. He would have spoke but he was drained at this point. He let Ratchet carefully break through the center of the shackles. Even if his wrists still had shackles, it was better than having them bound together, stretching them painfully.
He was glad for Ratchet's help, seemingly dizzy still, closing his optics tight. Once he finally got the strength, he nodded to Ratchet. "Y-yes."
Good. Pharma was able to walk, but it wouldn't stop Ratchet from wrapping an arm around him to help keep him steady just in case. Ratchet led Pharma through the ground bridge slowly and surely, immediately shutting that portal down the moment they got through and he could reach the controls.
His adopted sire was safe now.
As they made their way to the medical bay, Ratchet fended off and batted away anyone who tried to come near. The nosier ones he threatened to throw wrenches at as he knew Pharma needed to be away from everyone else, at least for a little while. Not just for his sanity, but for medical reasons. This must have been what it was like when Wheeljack had brought Ratchet back to the base after he had been kidnapped, only at least the seeker was awake.
He helped Pharma up onto a berth, reaching for the emergency Energon line so he could inject the substance right into Pharma directly. It was faster than having him down the fuel that he likely wouldn't be able to keep down anyway.
"I'm going to fix you.. I promise. Just.. let me get some Energon in your system. Then I can remove the rest of the cuffs."
Pharma vented heavily, shaking. He had been starved for some time but Ratchet didn't know how right he was at thinking Pharma would have had a tough time keeping it down in his tanks. His tanks roiled even when he had tried to sneak it on the Nemesis and that had been what had led to his starvation--he had purged right on Kaon, who had been most displeased.
He vented softly with the line being inserted, shaking slightly. It had been some time since he had even had any medical care and he was still a bit shaken from everything. Not to mention he was starved and shaky just from underfueling.
"Th...thank..." He rasped softly. He hadn't the strength to whimper yet about something he hoped to keep hidden, at least for now.
Ratchet wasn't at all surprised when Pharma reacted, even a little, to the line being inserted. Many didn't find the sensation pleasant, but it was necessary at that moment. He'd do what he could to keep Pharma calm, and make sure he got as much Energon into him as he could without causing him to purge it right back up.
He only left Pharma's side for a moment, but didn't leave the room. Instead he collected a blanket as well as a makeshift stool before bringing it back over to the berth where his adopted sire rested. Draping the blanket carefully over the seeker, Ratchet sat on the seat, taking the other mech's servo into his own.
"Shhh.. Don't talk. You need your strength. I.. realize that now." Pharma could barely even get a 'thank you' out which alone caused Ratchet to frown a bit. Not because of Pharma himself, but just what he must have gone through to be placed in this state. "I'm here.. and you're home. You're safe.." Ratchet squeezed his servo gently, looking into the seeker's optics. "I just want you to rest and feel better. We.. we can talk when you're up to it, but for now just try and rest while I get some Energon in your systems. We can worry about the rest of the damage later. There.. isn't much point to it if I'm only going to cause more harm with you lacking Energon."
Pharma closed his optics tightly. He vented slightly and shuddered. It wasn't something he could explain, especially with his exhaustion and his weakness. The energon was going to be burned through, quickly. He knew it would be. Most of it would be going to the newspark latched to his own spark and he didn't want to say that out loud.
His vents hitched for a moment when Ratchet left his side. However, when he saw the blanket, he sighed with a relieved vent. His optics seemed to dart away slightly but he did not pull his servo away.
He wanted to say something but Ratchet had told him to save his strength. He couldn't really argue it. "O...okay..." He whispered softly, venting and swallowing. He tried to keep from venting so heavily but his exhaustion made his ventillations more heavy than they needed to be.
Ratchet had no intention of leaving the room whatsoever. He would've told Pharma if he was, and even then it would've been for a brief moment to either tell someone something or to grab something. Right now his adopted sire needed him, and he'd be damned if he left now.
Once he was sure Pharma was fairly comfortable while the Energon line did it's thing, Ratchet continued to hold the other mech's hand while stroking his helm gently with his free one. He needed to keep an optic on his energy readings, but there was nothing to be concerned about just yet. Once he had the Energon, unless something changed for the worse, he would see to anything and everything Pharma needed, including replacing the broken piece of his chevron.
He hadn't forgotten.
"I guess you've probably figured it out by now.. but Wheeljack was able to get me off the Nemesis after.. what happened.. It's a blur, but I remember what all happened.. He took care of me, brought me back to a healthy state along with First Aid. I just.. thought you'd want to know what happened after.."
Ratchet's optics drifted off to the side for a moment in a painful manner. He didn't want to talk about Kaon and the pet. Not yet. Pharma needed to recover first, and who knew what happened to the seeker during that time.
"I promise I'll make things up to you.. I.. I was scared. I thought I'd lost you again, but.. I didn't. You're here. You're here and alive. Also safe."
Pharma vented softly, letting himself rest and relax. This wasn't the Nemesis, and he was safe. This was home. This was with Ratchet. But why couldn't his processor rest? Why? He could feel his spark starting to tense at times. Optics welled with tears for a moment, but he fought the urge to let them spill over.
Ratchet had gotten home safe. Wheeljack had tended to him. Wheeljack and First Aid had tended to him. He vented softly to take it all in. Ratchet was safe. That was all he needed to know. All he remembered from that time was Kaon dragging him away, clenching against him like a jealous...NO. No. He mustn't ever think like that.
"...safe." He echoed. "We're safe."
At first, it would seem like a statement solely to Ratchet and himself. But there was a hidden meaning. A meaning he hoped Ratchet didn't catch so fast. He didn't want anyone to know. He couldn't let anyone know. He was still terrified to lose this one too, like the one who had been stolen away.
Ratchet smiled as Pharma repeated his words. While he would have preferred the other mech not speak while he rested, he didn't have it in him to stop him either. This would be that one exception to his berthside manner. Pharma had been through so much, and Ratchet had been worried sick about him. It was the first time they'd been able to interact in over five months.
They both needed this.
"There's.. someone I want you to meet, actually." The medic smiled in a proud manner, though there was a tint of sadness to it due to the situation. "You know how Wheeljack was carrying? She's in her frame now. She's.. beautiful. It can wait until after you're feeling a little better, unless you want to meet her now. I know you need time to recover, and I don't want to overwhelm you."
He chuckled to himself quietly, still holding Pharma's servo while stroking his helm with his free one. "Her name's Nightshade. I.. thought it fitting with it being an Earth plant and.. it being one that humans use for medicinal purposes. She's a bit shy, so.. if you meet her and she shies away from you, I promise it's not because of you. That's how she's been with everyone aside from Wheeljack and myself, but she tries once she has a bit of reassurance."