Post by Swerve on May 5, 2019 20:39:14 GMT
You enter Swerve's bar, seeming normal this visit. You remember the day, and you've been here every day on this day for the last three years. The bar itself is jam packed, but you do find your normal seat available as it would seem a certain someone had marked it 'Reserved for You'. Swerve himself is washing glasses in his usual spot, but is simultaneously distracted by the large screen playing a movie involving some guy in an ant costume and a cheesy but humorous sidekick with a penchant for recapping. Once you've taken your seat, you and Swerve begin your usual conversation.
“Happy 3 Years to my best customer! You know.. there seems to be this guy out there in the fictional universe that thinks he can out-recap me. Well, you know me. I've got a reputation to keep up. Enjoy some anniversary cake, enjoy drinks on me today, and listen to the recap to shake the ages. Who knows?! Maybe we'll get a 3 hour movie deal outta this.”
"So.. it goes like this. We're from this planet called Cybertron, and everybody had these things called jobs. 'Cept, not everyone was happy about their jobs. Take Megatron for example. He was all 'Dude, this isn't right. I can do so much more than mining. I'll stand up for my own beliefs!' as he threw down his mining equipment and called up his bestie, Orion Pax. Orion was all 'So what do you need?' and Megatron was like 'I need an army.' So Orion was all 'We don't have a Hulk, but I can think of a few guys. Lemme meet you in Kaon.' So Orion goes down there and meets with Megatron, and he's like 'We should talk to the Senate!' The Senate was all 'Megatron, your followers totally wrecked the casino and Six Lasers Over Cybertron, but you know what? Orion seems like Prime material! Here you go. Have a free Matrix on us.' So Megatron was all 'Oh no you didn't! I'll see you on the battlefield' and Orion, now Optimus, is all 'We Autobots are gonna stop you.'
The Autobots and the Decepticons? They fight and fight and fight, and eventually just plain break Cybertron so they gotta find a new world to call home. Autobots find Earth, but didn't realize the Decepticons followed right behind! 'Get outta my swamp!' says the Decepticons, only for the Autobots to be like 'This is no swamp, this is Earth, but also stop breaking our home guys!' Human guys find out about the Cybertronians and are all 'not saying it was aliens, but.. aliens totally just showed up in my backyard, also we got a downed transformer.'
So the Autobots make home in Jasper, Nevada and discover there's this thing called the Iacon Relics and they're all over the planet. The Autobots split up and fend off the Decepticons. Optimus and Strongarm get one, Knock Out manages to knock out Jazz, Chronon and Stormgear get one, Ratchet manages to claim one and is all 'Get off my mech' when Soundwave tries to kill Wheeljack. Leah managed to grab one and, wait.. Now Pharma has one. Also Starscream pulls a Starscream and just sorta snags one and keeps it to himself.
Autobots have a meeting and the Decepticons also decide to have a meeting of their own. Autobots talk about the cool new toys they just got while the Megatron goes all drill instructor on his troops. Megatron's like 'Alright, maggots, I'm sick of you losing and you should be ashamed that the only one who came out successful was the medic!' But what he didn't know was this wolf guy called Steeljaw was sneaking in all sneakily and sold the Decepticons information on where the base is out in Crown City, except Megatron doesn't trust Steeljaw and is giving him the most wary look he can muster.
So Steeljaw goes and kidnaps some Autobots and Optimus is all 'Let my people go' and Steeljaw's all 'No. Goods first.' Meanwhile, Dreadwing decides he's tired of Megatron's business and steals the Forge of Solus Prime, but Megatron catches him. Dreadwing says 'This is madness!' to which Megatron is all 'This. Is. Nemesis!' only for Dreadwing to escape before Megatron can kick him off the ship in the most literal fashion. At the same time, Jazz pulls the old switcheroo and is all 'psyche I'm working for the cons' because Megatron talked him into joining his team, but didn't realize Jazz was just playing Megatron the whole time. To make Megatron a believer, Jazz kidnaps Ratchet and hands him over to the Cons where he has a field day with Tarn and a few other surprise guests.
I missed a part... Backtrack! So... Megs is furious that Dreadwing noped out of the universe and calls his friend Tarn and tells him to get to Earth with his judge buddies. So Tarn is all 'No one expects the Decepticon Justice Division. Our chief weapon is surprise, fear and surprise; two chief weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! Er, among our chief weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and near fanatical devotion to Lord Megatron!' Back on track! Wheeljack and Pharma break onto the Nemesis to get Ratchet out, but Pharma ends up staying behind instead when Kaon appears, gets sparked up, and Shockwave's all 'I'm gonna swipe your kid' and Pharma's like 'Not my daughter you piece of scrap!' Still kept the other one, but now Pharma's going a bit cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, though understandably so cause who wouldn't in his shoes?
Also Megs has a kid now but he doesn't quite believe it. However, he's letting her train with another soldier he doesn't quite remember. Speaking of not remembering things.. Optimus. He wakes up one day and is all 'Dude, where's my trailer? I swore I had it five minutes ago, and what even is this place?!' cause he lost all memory of everything after leaving Cybertron! No one knows what happened, but Optimus is keeping chill and pretending he remembers everything aside from a select few. Of course, it gets real interesting when Elita shows up on Earth.
Windblade's catching up with Chromia, and Chromia's all 'I'm not letting you outta my sight again little missy, also here's my hunk-a muffin Ironhide so play nice while we shoot up some Cons or whatever it is we do for a date'. So Windblade keeps checking up on Bumblebee and such, who's having his own rough time with his own crew. He's all 'Man, first my human ally turns out to be this super strong techno-organic that just kicked my butt, and now I gotta deal with Shadow Striker who's like some crazed ex or something.'
So Rodimus gets this crazy idea of contacting Megatron thinking they're bros for life or something, and he's like 'We're having a big party tomorrow, you wanna come bro?' and Megatron is all 'Sure, I'll be there with all sorts of surprises in store.' Turns out he wasn't kidding as he brought his troops, capturing Roddy and Hot Shot in the process. He did return them when Ultra Magnus and his Wreckers wrecked the after party by bringing a forged Forge and is all 'It's the real deal. Would I lie to you? I cannot tell a lie, also here are the five hundred laws you have broken just by opening your mouth.'
While this is all going on, a neutral party is gathering with the arrival of one Wing and Cyberwarp who recently ran away from Cybertron in order to get away from Cyclonus and the Decepticons.. and Cyclonus is there! But it's not her Cyclonus? Confusion everywhere and then he leaves. It's Cyclonus. He doesn't like communicating after all. He'd sooner break his own comms.
And now there's this symbiotic creature called Sideways running around, and he's not stopping this whole 'making friends' thing either? So what's next for our friends? Heck if I know. I think I just need a drink after how many times I had to say 'So'."
“Happy 3 Years to my best customer! You know.. there seems to be this guy out there in the fictional universe that thinks he can out-recap me. Well, you know me. I've got a reputation to keep up. Enjoy some anniversary cake, enjoy drinks on me today, and listen to the recap to shake the ages. Who knows?! Maybe we'll get a 3 hour movie deal outta this.”
"So.. it goes like this. We're from this planet called Cybertron, and everybody had these things called jobs. 'Cept, not everyone was happy about their jobs. Take Megatron for example. He was all 'Dude, this isn't right. I can do so much more than mining. I'll stand up for my own beliefs!' as he threw down his mining equipment and called up his bestie, Orion Pax. Orion was all 'So what do you need?' and Megatron was like 'I need an army.' So Orion was all 'We don't have a Hulk, but I can think of a few guys. Lemme meet you in Kaon.' So Orion goes down there and meets with Megatron, and he's like 'We should talk to the Senate!' The Senate was all 'Megatron, your followers totally wrecked the casino and Six Lasers Over Cybertron, but you know what? Orion seems like Prime material! Here you go. Have a free Matrix on us.' So Megatron was all 'Oh no you didn't! I'll see you on the battlefield' and Orion, now Optimus, is all 'We Autobots are gonna stop you.'
The Autobots and the Decepticons? They fight and fight and fight, and eventually just plain break Cybertron so they gotta find a new world to call home. Autobots find Earth, but didn't realize the Decepticons followed right behind! 'Get outta my swamp!' says the Decepticons, only for the Autobots to be like 'This is no swamp, this is Earth, but also stop breaking our home guys!' Human guys find out about the Cybertronians and are all 'not saying it was aliens, but.. aliens totally just showed up in my backyard, also we got a downed transformer.'
So the Autobots make home in Jasper, Nevada and discover there's this thing called the Iacon Relics and they're all over the planet. The Autobots split up and fend off the Decepticons. Optimus and Strongarm get one, Knock Out manages to knock out Jazz, Chronon and Stormgear get one, Ratchet manages to claim one and is all 'Get off my mech' when Soundwave tries to kill Wheeljack. Leah managed to grab one and, wait.. Now Pharma has one. Also Starscream pulls a Starscream and just sorta snags one and keeps it to himself.
Autobots have a meeting and the Decepticons also decide to have a meeting of their own. Autobots talk about the cool new toys they just got while the Megatron goes all drill instructor on his troops. Megatron's like 'Alright, maggots, I'm sick of you losing and you should be ashamed that the only one who came out successful was the medic!' But what he didn't know was this wolf guy called Steeljaw was sneaking in all sneakily and sold the Decepticons information on where the base is out in Crown City, except Megatron doesn't trust Steeljaw and is giving him the most wary look he can muster.
So Steeljaw goes and kidnaps some Autobots and Optimus is all 'Let my people go' and Steeljaw's all 'No. Goods first.' Meanwhile, Dreadwing decides he's tired of Megatron's business and steals the Forge of Solus Prime, but Megatron catches him. Dreadwing says 'This is madness!' to which Megatron is all 'This. Is. Nemesis!' only for Dreadwing to escape before Megatron can kick him off the ship in the most literal fashion. At the same time, Jazz pulls the old switcheroo and is all 'psyche I'm working for the cons' because Megatron talked him into joining his team, but didn't realize Jazz was just playing Megatron the whole time. To make Megatron a believer, Jazz kidnaps Ratchet and hands him over to the Cons where he has a field day with Tarn and a few other surprise guests.
I missed a part... Backtrack! So... Megs is furious that Dreadwing noped out of the universe and calls his friend Tarn and tells him to get to Earth with his judge buddies. So Tarn is all 'No one expects the Decepticon Justice Division. Our chief weapon is surprise, fear and surprise; two chief weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! Er, among our chief weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and near fanatical devotion to Lord Megatron!' Back on track! Wheeljack and Pharma break onto the Nemesis to get Ratchet out, but Pharma ends up staying behind instead when Kaon appears, gets sparked up, and Shockwave's all 'I'm gonna swipe your kid' and Pharma's like 'Not my daughter you piece of scrap!' Still kept the other one, but now Pharma's going a bit cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, though understandably so cause who wouldn't in his shoes?
Also Megs has a kid now but he doesn't quite believe it. However, he's letting her train with another soldier he doesn't quite remember. Speaking of not remembering things.. Optimus. He wakes up one day and is all 'Dude, where's my trailer? I swore I had it five minutes ago, and what even is this place?!' cause he lost all memory of everything after leaving Cybertron! No one knows what happened, but Optimus is keeping chill and pretending he remembers everything aside from a select few. Of course, it gets real interesting when Elita shows up on Earth.
Windblade's catching up with Chromia, and Chromia's all 'I'm not letting you outta my sight again little missy, also here's my hunk-a muffin Ironhide so play nice while we shoot up some Cons or whatever it is we do for a date'. So Windblade keeps checking up on Bumblebee and such, who's having his own rough time with his own crew. He's all 'Man, first my human ally turns out to be this super strong techno-organic that just kicked my butt, and now I gotta deal with Shadow Striker who's like some crazed ex or something.'
So Rodimus gets this crazy idea of contacting Megatron thinking they're bros for life or something, and he's like 'We're having a big party tomorrow, you wanna come bro?' and Megatron is all 'Sure, I'll be there with all sorts of surprises in store.' Turns out he wasn't kidding as he brought his troops, capturing Roddy and Hot Shot in the process. He did return them when Ultra Magnus and his Wreckers wrecked the after party by bringing a forged Forge and is all 'It's the real deal. Would I lie to you? I cannot tell a lie, also here are the five hundred laws you have broken just by opening your mouth.'
While this is all going on, a neutral party is gathering with the arrival of one Wing and Cyberwarp who recently ran away from Cybertron in order to get away from Cyclonus and the Decepticons.. and Cyclonus is there! But it's not her Cyclonus? Confusion everywhere and then he leaves. It's Cyclonus. He doesn't like communicating after all. He'd sooner break his own comms.
And now there's this symbiotic creature called Sideways running around, and he's not stopping this whole 'making friends' thing either? So what's next for our friends? Heck if I know. I think I just need a drink after how many times I had to say 'So'."