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Post by SystemLink on Aug 11, 2016 2:12:00 GMT
We all have our favorite characters to play and others that are in the making. But what about characters that we want to play yet we don't know if we can properly play them? This is a thread where you can show what you think of your desired character and get feedback!
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Post by SystemLink on Aug 11, 2016 4:14:47 GMT
I've been eyeing the one eyed scientist named Shockwave, was wondering if any of you could give a look over my style for him.
The eerie silence of this meeting has been surrounding it ever since it had started. The mech that requested it was mulling over a data pad, reviewing some form of documents. He was accompanied by two individuals: an equally stoic Communications Officer who had provided the data pad to the host and a Seeker who thought highly of himself. The Scientist reading finally set aside that data pad before speaking with a curtness and a directness towards the Seeker Starscream.
"This will be short and direct Starscream, seeing as you hold an affinity towards your own voice." The red optic fell upon the grey Seeker as he watched his wings twitched. Amusement filled him as he knew that he struck a nerve. Yet he went from amusement to a professional deadpan. Shockwave stepped forth to present the data pad, revealing a history of Starscream's command.
"Your efforts in leadership in Megatron's absence is most remarkable. I find it hard to miss even in coming back to the Decepticons. What I request is your leadership in what is to happen soon." He knew he was buttering up the proud Seeker helping his ego grow and fill. Something of which may help swing the decision in Shockwave's favor.
His gaze fell upon the Communication's officer Soundwave, "Your delinquency is only found in Megatron's presence. Why is that Starscream? I had made a request from Soundwave to bring records of actions made by you and our fearless leader." The antennae atop his head twitched in nervousness before his single optic fell upon Starscream to reflect his entirety due to the curve of the glass. This gaze was directed to Starscream, not at. It was a conspiracy that will need Starscream.
"Soundwave has provided first hand experience as to what Megatron was back then. What he is now is not Megatron and we must deduce what is causing this change. Until I can provide a source as to this change. This meeting has never happened. With a swift clenching of the fist, he crushed the data pad in his hand! "In covering this meeting's true nature. You and I had a minor disagreement upon resources being directed to MY research." A slight tilt forward of his helm was given while the antennae rose upwards. Those broad shoulders squared out as the thought of someone hampering his precious research would only bring anger to him, disgust. Even if it was a cover up. Many knew not to hamper his projects or face his disgruntlement.
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Counterklock
OOC Alias Account
Administrator
here comes the general
Posts: 300
Alias: Counterklock
Preferred Pronouns: she/her
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Post by Counterklock on Aug 23, 2016 23:52:19 GMT
SystemLink*walks in half a month late with Tim Hortons* I've carefully read this over and given it about as much scrutiny and careful consideration as I would any potential character application, these are the things that came to mind when I read this! Things I liked:- I really like how there was a sense of detachment in this sample of writing that is definitely characteristic of how Shockwave views the world. It feels very analytical and sterile, in a sense, and true to that aspect of his character.
- I especially liked how he used Starscream's ego to his advantage even as he insulted him. Shockwave is certainly a master of words and knows how to use them against others in order to manipulate them and obtain what he wants.
- My favorite part is how clear it is that he is in control of the situation. This is definitely something that is very important to his character, because his presence is a dominating one and everyone's general fear and wariness of him is justified.
Things I think might need a bit of work:- I'm not quite sure if the word 'nervous' is really appropriate in this situation, considering how Shockwave is always unflappable and unbothered by things that would make any lesser bot anxious or afraid (for example, he walks quite calmly away from explosions and isn't worried about being inside a collapsing ground bridge). He is an intimidating character and gives off a sense of 'Nothing can phase me', which makes any sort of nervousness a bit out of character.
- I think we need to see a little bit more of Shockwave's thought processes in how he's come to the conclusion that his actions are logical -- especially considering his one true master is logic itself.
- My usual spiel: be careful with spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Some sentences are pretty jarring with how quickly they end, and some of the syntax is a bit jilted. Other than that, however, it looks pretty good to me!
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