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Characters:Ratchet , @pharma Location: The Tundras of Greenland Content Warnings: Mentions of Torture, potential PTSD Plot Summary: It's been far too long since Ratchet has heard from his former teacher, leaving him left to assume the worst. However, a familiar signal comes into play and Ratchet immediately goes in search of the signal's owner. Will he be able to find Pharma and catch up on all the missed time together?
It'd been awhile since the subject had invaded Ratchet's processor, distracting him as he cleaned his tools for the umpteenth time for the day.
Pharma..
It'd been so long since he'd last seen him, let alone heard from him. Ratchet could barely even remember the last time he saw him now that he thought about it. It had roughly been just before he left for Earth. He'd tried to stay in contact, and had tried to contact him in every way that he could, but there was never any response. Just what had happened to him? Part of him had worried that he'd angered his former mentor when he'd left for Earth with Optimus, but it'd been a necessity. No, he couldn't let himself think like this anymore. Pharma surely wasn't mad at him, right? So then.. the only other possibility was..
Great, now he was thinking on the opposite side of the equation. If he wasn't mad, and he wasn't answering, then was it because he'd perished? No, Ratchet refused to believe that. Eventually he'd given up trying, attempting to move on without the one he'd seen as his parental figure if he had to think of a term for it.
It was as he was cleaning that their systems detected an Autobot signal, one coming from a land known as Greenland. The medic studied the signal for a moment, his optics widening when he realized that he very much knew this particular signal. Was it really him? Was it really Pharma?
Immediately he opened up the ground bridge, subspacing his medkit in the event he needed it, and drove straight on through once he'd transformed. Upon his arrival he'd come to learn that Greenland.. wasn't exactly green after all, but white. Lots of snow and ice, along with some mountains in the distance. What's was next? You were going to tell him that Iceland was green?!
Regardless, he returned his focus on his self-designated mission. He absolutely had to find the source of the signal. He needed to know. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he attempted to contact Pharma via commlink. "Pharma..? Are you there..? If you are.. Please! Say something. Anything!"
Pharma himself had tried to hold onto the hope that he would get free. When he did, he was scared. He was scared they would follow him. He had gotten to the first escape craft he could get to in order to head for another planet, far from the influence of those...those monsters! Oh how sick they made him. Having to do horrid things, harvest Transformation Cogs, oh Primus he didn't want to have to think about it.
No. He wanted to think about familiar faces.
About past students. About Cogwheel, who had taught him.
It had been so long since he had seen a fellow Autobot. Well, one that would survive. Many that came to Delphi did not survive. He had to euthanize some of them as they were found so close to death already and had no-revival orders. Others he had to kill, lying about their conditions. He was starting to get shaken up by all of it. Just the thought that he had done things that broken the very vow he was supposed to take to his spark.
His craft had landed somewhere cold, somewhere similar to Delphi itself. He was almost sure he'd arrived back in Delphi, but something felt different. It felt so different from what he knew of Delphi, and yet felt the same. The sick filing had risen into his intake.
"Ratchet?" He rasped through the commlink. "Is that really you? Alive?"
Ratchet just couldn't believe it. After all this time, after all these years, that signal was still as strong as ever. That's why he'd been so quick to rush out to Greenland in order to find the location of the signal's source. He absolutely had to find Pharma. He had to!
Looking around, there was no trace of human life anywhere. Deeming it to be safe, he transformed, allowing him a bit more coverage in terms of line of sight. His optics wondered from right to left, then left to right, all before trying to communicate with his teacher. A strange mix of feelings hit him, good and bad. He was extremely happy to have this chance to find him, but he was quite saddened at the same time. What if this was a false lead? What if he got to Pharma only to find he'd perished by the time he found him?
"Pharma, please... Answer me.."
The CMO frowned, glancing downward as if he truly believed this was all too good to be true. Letting out a sigh, he waited a few moments before decided what it was he wanted to do. As tempting as it was to call it quits, he couldn't just leave if so much as Pharma's sparkless husk were here. Just as those thoughts hit his processor, that's when he'd finally heard the voice he'd been wanting to hear.
"PHARMA!!! Primus, it's you! I thought I'd never hear your voice again.. Where are you? I'm here because I spotted your signal out this way from the base. Please, you have to tell me where you are. I need to know.."
The signals of the ship seemed to pick up on a nearby signal. It seemed familiar. Primus how Pharma hoped so, in any case. It would be a nice thing to run into a familiar face and not the face of someone out to murder, torture, and mind-break one. Pharma was intensely sure of it. He was as intensely sure of that need as he was intensely sure that he wasn't the same Pharma that had taught his wide-opticked students anymore.
No, he was broken. Broken and no longer worthy of being called a medic if you asked him quite personally. He tried to keep a scan out for anyone that could be there. Please no Decepticons... He thought to himself, unaware that he was almost whispering it out loud. The words hung on his lips like the last dregs of energon he had drank some time before his landing in this cold and barren area. So cold and barren, like Delphi. Oh how he hated the thought of that place right about now even with all the memories he had.
He swore he heard the ping of Ratchet. Ratchet! Oh please don't let it be those Decepticons, using the voice as a lure. Pharma couldn't have taken that. That would have been a horrifying weight on his spark.
"Can you see a ship yet? I should be just north of your current location if you're the one I'm catching on radar pings. It's...so good to hear your voice Ratchet." He could feel his voice hitching softly. "I've missed hearing a familiar voice that wasn't out to kill me and destroy my psyche..."
Ratchet could not have been more happy to hear Pharma's voice again, even if it was just over the commlink. He had to do everything in his power to refrain from being overly emotional, or at least to display it anyway. This was the mech he called mentor, his Parens Endura, his inspiration when he studied, and he'd thought he was long since gone.. lost to the war. It seemed that that had not been the case after all.
"No, I can't see it from here, but I will keep heading north until I find you. Please, just stay where you are. I'm coming." Ratchet smiled sadly to himself, rushing straight ahead. He might not have seen the ship, but at least now he knew the way to go. "You don't know how glad I am to hear yours again. It's been so long.. I've been trying to contact you all this time, but I never could get through. I'd thought.. I'd thought that you were.." He couldn't bare to say it, even over commlink.
It was what Pharma had said next that had really gotten to him. 'Try to kill him'. 'Destroy his psyche'. Primus.. just what had happened to him? The medic wasn't even sure he wanted to ask!
Ratchet kept on going, headed north until he finally found the ship that his mentor had spoken of. He'd stopped just before it, letting his optics wonder all over the exterior when he finally saw it, just in the window. He stood there, frozen, optics widened as his mouth hung open. "Pharma...?"
Pharma himself had been overjoyed to hear Ratchet. One of his many students, still alive. One of his hardest-working students still alive. Not lost to the war. His hands shook at the thoughts of everything that Ratchet himself must have gone through. He knew that Ratchet had to go through the war so much...
"Good. I'll be right here. I...I don't think I can step out until I see you..." His voice had fallen on hushed tones. This area he was in was so much like Delphi. So much like Delphi that it killed him, that it brought those memories back to the surface. "A reasonable assumption. I...don't know how I survived, Ratchet. I really don't know how I survived it all. If it weren't for our Oath..." He wouldn't dare say it. If it weren't for the Medic's oath--"First do no harm"--he would have killed those barbarians.
He shuddered to think of it, a sick feeling rising in his intake. What could reduce a medic to trying to kill? It made him sick just thinking about it; those barbarians nearly drove him to it. No, they actually did drive him to it in some cases, just to preserve his own life and the life of the less critically-ill or critically-injured patients.
His hands pressed against the window when he could see a figure approaching. "Ratchet, that's...you right?"
Thank Primus.. Pharma was going to stay where he was. It'd make finding him so much easier if he stayed instead of the both of them looking for each other out here, potentially passing each other right by before one of them decided to give up the search. One thing had concerned Ratchet, however, and that had been what his mentor had followed his statement with. He didn't think he could step out? Was it not safe? Was he.. worried someone was following him, and was likely to get to him first?
"In that case I'll be there as soon as I can. Just hold out until then." The medic kept moving forward, cringing at the other mech's statements over commlink. Just what had happened to him? Whatever it was, it seemed likely that this was why he'd never answered any of his attempts to contact him. Was it really not because he'd been upset with him? It certainly hadn't been because he had been offlined during the war, unless.. this was some sort of..
No, it couldn't have been a trap. How would Megatron and the others have known of his relations to Pharma anyway?
He paused, staring up to the window of the ship in shock when he'd arrived. The figure he saw placed their hands against the window, and he could hear Pharma over the commlink once more, asking if that had in fact been him. Words failed the medic, settling for a shaky nod that he knew Pharma would've been able to see, following it with a mouthed 'yes'. Ratchet blinked, then rushed up to the ship.
"I'm here.. Please.. if that's you.. come out.. I need to see you."
Pharma seemed to seat himself for the time being, sighing softly. He let a hand transform into a chainsaw for a moment, then back to a hand. It was a reflex, something to keep him calm. He still saw some of the dried energon from trying to defend himself and his venting hitched. He was going to be sick. He was sure he was going to be sick. This place looked like Delphi and was probably cold like Delphi and he was going to get sick.
"I'll be holding out. Please...don't worry if you see something strange..." He was trying to hold back his own seemingly broken nature. But he knew he would do a leak-poor job of it. He had never been able to hide things well. It was something that had never really been his strong suit.
"O-okay. I'm coming." He spoke softly. His electromagnetic field seemed to be full of fear, need for security, but at the same time happiness that he found Ratchet again, pride that Ratchet had done so well for himself. His optics seemed dulled at first, even seemed to cant toward the ground until he was in front of Ratchet, his field pressing against Ratchet's, possibly almost overwhelmingly so.
See something strange? Just what was Pharma talking about? Ratchet had no idea, but he didn't exactly like the sound of that statement. Regardless, he needed to press onward. Pharma couldn't wait for him forever, and Ratchet wasn't about to make him wait any longer than he had to. It'd only been how long since he last got to see his mentor?
Once he had arrived, he couldn't help but stare at the figure in the windows of the ship. Was it really him? Was it really Pharma? Part of him wanted to believe this was all some sort of dream, but he knew that this could only be real. The Autobot medic stood there, waiting as the figure came down from the ship, stepping outside and approached him.
It was him. It was really him..!!
Ratchet could barely contain himself with his emotions going in every which direction. Pharma stopped just in front of him, allowing his EM field to expand to meet with Pharma's. However, he hadn't anticipated his mentor's field to be so strong.. so powerful! It nearly knocked Ratchet down just by it's sheer strength alone. All this fear, all this need for security.. it saddened Ratchet. He filled his own field with comfort and care, just wanting Pharma to know that he was here and he was willing to help in any way that he could. That's when he felt his teacher's happiness and pride, an embarrassed sadness slipping into his own field.
"Pharma.." Ratchet reached out to Pharma, grabbing his arms loosely. "Just.. Just where have you been? What happened to you..? I've been trying to contact you for so long and I've never been able to get through.. Don't you know how worried sick I was about you..?" He'd had so many questions for his mentor, and while he hadn't meant for anything to come off as angry, he desperately wanted answers to his questions from so long ago.
Pharma's own field seemed to encompass all the fear he had tried so hard to hold in for quite some time. You just didn't let your fear reveal itself around the barbarians he had dealt with. That was tantamount to opening yourself up to an attack on the body and the psyche. He had held his field in during that time, not wanting to become another victim like the numerous others. Including so many patients at that.
He shivered at first. "Delphi. I've been trapped there for so long." The fact that he emphasized "trapped" seemed to be a big tip-off. "I couldn't let them get to you. I would send short bursts of communications to you when it was safe to do so. Snippets of surgery normally. A sign of life even if I sometimes felt dead inside." Dead. That was a perfect description for how he had felt for such a long time. And a state that he had worried that he would end up in so many times. After all, those twisted freaks had always had their various weapons at the ready.
His optics seemed to dim, a saddened look seeming to cross his face. "I have no doubt you were worried sick."[/color] His voice seemed to crackle with static for a moment. "But I've worried about you. About Cogwheel. About all my students..."
It took every effort to keep Pharma's field from overwhelming him with his fears, but Ratchet did everything in his power to fill his own field with a plethora of calmness. It'd been hard to do when he felt so much of what Pharma had, but at least he had tried. The medic absolutely hated seeing his mentor like this, and could only ask himself just what had happened to him? Who or what could have caused this. Or maybe.. he could find the will to ask him directly.
It'd come as a shock to learn that Pharma had never left Delphi, and that he'd actually been trapped there that entire time. "Who..?" Ratchet gripped the elder medic's arms a little tighter, desperately looking at him. "Who did this to you..? Who kept you trapped there..? Just.. Just why didn't you tell me..?" It'd been a dumb thing to ask, really. He wouldn't have answered him if he'd been trapped, only for the sole reason that he likely would have placed himself in danger. Even still, why hadn't he called just before his captors had gotten him.. to at least say good-bye? The answer was one Ratchet hadn't even expected.
He was trying to protect him.. "You knew.. You knew I'd come running if you contacted me.. That's why.. Oh Primus.." He hadn't abandoned him, and he hadn't died on him. He'd been trying to save Ratchet from a cruel fate of captivity at Delphi. Dropping to his knees on the snow beneath him, his optics widened as Pharma continued. The snippets of surgery.. Now that he thought about it, he had heard sounds like that just before going to recharge a few times, but he'd thought they'd all been in his head. Not once had he stopped to think it had been Pharma's way of saying he was still alive! "I'm.. I'm so sorry.. If I'd realized it sooner.."
Ratchet shook a little as he sat on his knees, both from the cold breeze coming forth and from the emotions trying to spill over that he'd been trying to hold back. Pharma had missed him, and had been so worried about him.. "You don't know.. how happy I am to see you again. To see you alive..! I'd thought I'd lost you.." The medic gripped his knees tightly with his hands, looking down to the ground.
"I don't want to lose you again, Pharma. I can't! Please.. come back to the base with me.. We have.. so much to catch up on."
Pharma himself seemed to slowly let the fear subside, though it was still deep within there. There was so much deep-seated emotion in the field, emotions he'd held in during the time he had been trapped in Delphi. He felt a sickness rising in his tanks but pushed it down once more as well, shivering and shuddering.
He looked to Ratchet. "I...I...please trust me, you don't want to know about the barbaric Decepticons who were there. I promise...it wasn't Megatron's current legion. These ones were more cruel and barbaric than the soldiers he keeps at hand..." He shuddered, trying not to purge. "I'd...rather not think of them too much right now. It's...that horrifying..."
He then nodded slowly. "I...knew it would bring you running, and I...I couldn't let you be killed by those monsters. Just like I'd sent most of another band of students and my own dear mentor away. So they couldn't do things to them either. Some of the students of that group chose to stay and..." His voice was muffled and he shivered with tears. He still remembered seeing their lifeless frames and he never wanted anyone else to be a lifeless shell like that.
He pressed into Ratchet, feeling his frame almost become limp for a moment before his optics softened. "I'm just so glad to be alive, to be with you...Ratchet..." He whispered. "I can only hope that Cogwheel survived as well...after I sent her away..."
If it wasn't Megatron's current legions holding him prisoner on Delphi.. then who had it been? Ratchet was extremely curious, but Pharma didn't want to talk about it. He knew better than to press the issue, and would let Pharma come to him whenever he felt ready to talk about the situation in greater detail. One thought did come to mind, however, and it wasn't one that Ratchet was exactly proud of. The DJD.. the Decepticon Justice Division. If stories were true, they were some of the most brutal, horrific individuals one could ever encounter, and no story ever ended with a happy ending. If.. those had been the ones who had detained his mentor..
Primus..
The fact that the jet had gone to such great lengths to keep him as far from Messatine as possible touched the Autobot medic. It still hurt that he'd never been able to talk to him, but now that he knew the truth, it lessened that pain by an exceptionally large amount. Kneeling on the ground, he pulled his mentor into a hug the moment the waterworks began. "Pharma.. I.. You have no idea how sorry I am.. Even if you didn't want me there in order to protect me.. I wish there had been something I could have done.. even if to save a single life.."
As the elder mech pressed into him, Ratchet leaned his own helm into the other's chest. If nothing else, at least Pharma had things to be happy about right now, even if there were only a few things. "I'm so glad you're here.. that we're together again.. and I never want to lose you again.."
It made him even happier that the other was wanting to go back to the Autobot base, to be away from here and to feel even safer. "I.. I will.. I just.. need a moment to compose myself. Seeing you again has brought out so many emotions in me.. and please don't tell anyone about this.." Keeping his faceplate hidden in Pharma's chest, he released a choked sound before finding himself in tears. Even with how long this mech had known him, no matter how important he was to Ratchet, the medic just couldn't allow him to see him cry.
It wouldn't be easy to convince Pharma to talk about it in general. He still tried not to throw up the contents of his tanks at the very thought of the Decepticon Justice Division. Especially Tarn, it seemed. Tarn was the one who had made him kill so many just for the T-Cogs. And it had been Tarn who had left those scars on his wings. And it had been Tarn that had instilled in him the deepest fear. By turning him into a moster.
Pharma leaned into him, gritting his denta sharply, tearing up. How he still had any tears left was a miracle. "You did save a life...and maybe more. By giving me hope. Something I was wearing thin on for a long time." This was the first time he had spoken of it, but he meant every word. Hope was something that Tarn had tried to squash out of him. But Ratchet had kept it alive with his comms.
Pharma closed his optics sadly. "I never...want to lose anyone..." He wouldn't let this end that way. He just couldn't!
Pharma sighed. He then gave a faint smile. "In both of us." His look then grew austere. "I won't. I won't tell anyone."
Shoutbox
Please respect the space and don't hesitate to ask questions!
altria : please dont be dead?
Jun 14, 2023 22:40:34 GMT
Partia: Is this still alive?
Dec 17, 2022 6:02:02 GMT
Partia: Is this still alive?
Dec 17, 2022 6:01:34 GMT
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