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"Shh. Don'pologize, Prowl. Ya never gotta apologize to me, okay? It happened, it's in the past. I ain't made of glass." Jazz smiled to his partner as he remained there, happy that the other was granting him this contact. He had rarely been allowed to be this close to the tactician so the fact that he was willingly permitting it? That was an honor to him that he didn't want to ruin.
There was still something he had to bring up. Something he had been wanting to say for a while, and figured that now since they weren't on weird ground that he could make mention of it.
"Hey, Prowl? Um... one day, ya know... I um... well..."
Jazz was usually so free about speaking what was on his processor, even if it was uncomfortable. This was Prowl and he was special to him. To say something that was against his personality and training? Jazz didn't want to say or do anything that would set him in any sort of discomfort. The fact that Prowl was being so close to him without yanking away so quickly did give Jazz a little more courage, at least. Not much, but at least something.
"Since we already know we're capable..." Jazz stopped. No, that was a stupid opening.
"I've known you a long time..." No, that was even more stupid. Get it together!
"Oh, forget it." Jazz drew in sharply and waited until the air had circulated through and passed out through his vents before he started again. "Prowl. I enjoy your company, always have. I want ya close to me all the time. I need ya close. Even if it's not physically, I wanna be able to share somethin' special with ya. I... I guess what I'm tryin' to ask is. Well. One day- when you're ready of course- I'd be honored if you would bond with me. You're the only one I ever wanna have this with." Jazz's voice hitched at the end there as though realizing what he had said and having wanting to stop. Was it too aggressive to say it that way? "It's fine if ya wanna say no. Ya won't hurt my feelings."
Jazz had pretty much asked Prowl to marry him, if one was going by a human equivalent. Yes, his feelings would be hurt if Prowl told him no but he would understand and respect that. What would Prowl do, though? He was afraid that his partner would pull away from him the moment he was done speaking, but that would also be something he would just need to understand and respect. He wouldn't hold him back should he want to run, wouldn't fight if he wanted to yell at him for being a fool. Jazz had said what he wanted to- needed to- and it would be up to Prowl to make the next move. He didn't regret what he said, at least. Even if Prowl would stay away from him after this, it was out there.
He'd been content to remain as he was, idle against the silver mech's frame, but then Jazz shattered the peace he'd found for himself. At first it seemed as if Jazz wasn't going to say what had been on his mind, but then he finally got it out and the tactician felt his spark not just clench, but rebel in a fantastic way. Too much, too soon.
"Jazz..." His tone was pained in a way he'd never heard of himself. He also felt the staggering in his processors that told him he'd just entered into the point of crash. Well, that was certainly not something he'd expected to here from his partner. "What are you...I can't, I don't know..." He shook his head and reared back, feeling the crash coming on even as he pulled away from his companion. Nope, not processing at all.
His doorwings went to high arch on his back, a clear sign of surprise or anxiety, depending on the situation, then went limp and hung low on his back as his every process crashed out with his processors. His optics went blank then went out before the big mech collapsed at his companion's pedes.
If Jazz were observant enough, he would know that this wasn't really an answer to his question. More that Prowl had already been through too much for the day and his systems were simply overtaxed. He'd learned too much, expressed too much, gone from one extreme to the other in too short a time. He couldn't handle it all in the same day. So he'd gone down, giving his systems time to reset and reboot, to integrate what he'd learned.
Jazz hopped off the desk just as he started to see Prowl starting to go down. He wasn't about to let him hit the floor! Not this time. He managed to reached out just before he actually touched down and he was about to keep him standing while he rebooted but a sting in his knee indicated that wasn't about to be a thing. So he went to the floor with him, slowly, and sat down there as he rested his partner's helm in his lap. He was careful enough to let him be eased down then sat with his legs tucked in Indian style. He kept Prowl on his front so that he wasn't laying on his doorwings and cradled his helm to a sideways angle so when he woke up it wasn't... well... awkward.
"Well, dang, Prowl. Ya coulda just said no." He was teasing, figuring that he wouldn't be heard anyway. He knew that he wasn't giving an answer really, just his own little way of processing things. He felt bad that he had caused this and had a feeling that Prowl may wake up and be annoyed at him again. In the long run? What was said was said and there was no trying to figure out how Jazz felt. He probably would never get that from Prowl, but that was alright. He wouldn't give up. Not until he was certain that there was not a snowball's chance in hell that anything would come of it.
For now Jazz would stay where he was until Prowl came back to him, no matter how long that took. In the meanwhile he just hummed softly to himself and lightly stroked Prowl's chevron with his free servo as he stared down at the silent frame of his partner.
It took almost an hour before he started being able to reboot his systems. The longest a crash had ever lasted on him, which as he came back online, worried him. And worse, his head hurt. The second thing he noticed was that he was lain on his front, on the floor, with his head propped in Jazz's lap. His optics came back online, showed error messages across his vision, were refreshed, then came properly on once more. And finally, they were their proper blue color.
"Failure to process. Sorry Jazz." He offered, tone low and hopefully reassuring. He wasn't sure if he managed the reassuring part, but he'd tried. "Did I squash you?" He wondered aloud, though rarely chose to use the term 'squash' it was accurate of a larger mech to a smaller one. Though he and Jazz were only slightly different in size, it was the first thing his aching processors suggested for him to ask.
Prowl managed to sit up, though had to hold Jazz's shoulders to do so, then rubbed at his helm with both hands. "I do not believe I should be standing any point in the near future." Blue optics turned to regard his companion. "How long was I out? My internal systems aren't telling me anything." Since his everything had crashed he'd be another hour or more resetting everything and reapplying his settings. Annoying, but hardly unexpected.
He'd seen his partner crash out before but never for this amount of time. Jazz started to feel really uneasy and tried to decide what to do. He knew that he probably should have pinged for a medic to come and see what was going on but would that actually help? Would Prowl be pissed? Jazz knew that he would have had the situation been flipped but he would have understood the reasoning. With how his partner had been acting he didn't know if such a feeling would be the same. He figured he would give the tactician some more time then contact Ratchet to see what the medic would suggest.
Then movement. There was sigh of relief at this and he smiled when he spotted his partner's optics coming online.
Squash? Did Prowl just say 'squash'?
The saboteur would have laughed if this entire span of time hadn't been so nerve wrecking to him. He wouldn't tell his partner that it had gotten to that point, though, as not to shine light that he was as nervous as he had been over all of this. Actually, he still was, because even as he was awake and moving some, the fact that his partner was still so visibly unsteady and his systems weren't registering anything was enough of a concern to him that it silenced any thought of making a joke out of this.
"Na, man. I'm good. I didn't want ya to hit the floor so I caught'cha before ya did. Nothin' hurts. But uh... ya were out a good long while. I was gonna comm Ratch and see what he'd recommend I do for ya if it took too much longer."
"It's been a long time since my entire system went down like that." Usually, when his processors failed, he'd go out for about five minutes while it rebooted. What had just happened had been his everything crashing on a cataclysmic scale. His vision was still a little off and everything. So all of his systems had crashed out, from his visual input all the way to the programs that ran for doorwingers to be able to process the signals sent to them through their doorwings.
Was Jazz worried? It seemed as though that answer was yes, but he couldn't tell. Usually, he could, at least with Jazz, but again his everything had gone out and was still rebooting. He felt a little like he was in a daze, or had a head injury. It was very difficult to concentrate on the other mech, nonetheless make coherent conversation.
"I know I've made others faint before, but I woulda never thought you would." Jazz grinned some to his partner, figuring that he wouldn't be able to get away from his jokes. At least not for the moment so he had to crack one or two, at least to ensure that he wouldn't think Jazz was overly worried. He stood up, having to use the desk as support to do so since his knee was being a little stupid at the moment. It creaked when he extended it but Jazz didn't think of it being anything more than a sign of old age. Nothing a little grease wouldn't be able to fix, right?
Once he was straightened up he turned to Prowl and held a servo out towards him in offering to assist him in standing up.
"Come on, if ya can. Take your time. I'll help ya to the chair. It's at least better than sittin' on the floor, and I don't think you can make it to your quarters right now." Jazz thought for a moment then vented again. "And I'm sure once ya wanna head that way ya don't wanna be hangin' all over me like ya had too much high grade. That rep of yours an' all. So I'll stay with ya in here till ya recover enough that I feel ya can make it on your own two pedes, yeah?"
Jazz didn't think he was wrong, at least not about Prowl. He knew his tactician to be one that prided himself on image and to have himself all slung over Jazz's shoulders unable to make it around on his own probably wouldn't have gone over too well for him. So he'd just help him to the chair and let him rest up there then walk him to his quarters if that was where he wanted to go.
"I did not faint." He bit out, though his tone held no hostility to it. But he was starting to be able to recognize Jazz was teasing him, a good sign in his books. When the other offered him a hand up he took it, holding the nearby desk with one hand while throwing his weight forward so that he could get on his pedes.
The second he claimed his feet his doorwings started shifting frantically, trying to help him regain his balance as the world swam and he had to clamp down on Jazz's shoulders again with both hands to keep from falling. He was sure he looked comically drunk, which was not a state he ever let himself get to. Being overcharged was just asking for someone to get blackmail material on you. And he didn't need anyone with that to use against him. He had enough to worry about as it was.
"I have the feeling I will have to sleep this off. My head is aching and I'm still getting warnings across my optics." He had to reboot his optics again to clear said warnings. A full system crash was unpleasant, not to mention incapacitating to his person. "You could still bring me back to my quarters. It would hardly be the first time you'd found me half in recharge at my desk and hauled my sorry self back to my personal quarters." Prowl's recharging habits were hit and miss, and when someone wanted him to rest they sent Jazz after him. That being because Jazz was the only one he'd listen to, short of being threatened with bodily harm by Ratchet.
Jazz didn't know how much Prowl would be able to walk on his own, so as he moved about Jazz studied him. He judged everything from how he carried his doorwings to how solid he planted his pedes. He could always tell when his partner needed the extra support and was there to provide it and, having been more than used to offering his shoulders to the tactician to support himself on, he was no stranger to it. It seemed like he would be needed for this task as well and had no issue with it. It was just a normal thing to him.
"Alright," he finally said and nodded to him. "If ya wanna head that way, lets go. Faster we get'cha there, the faster ya can rest up."
It wasn't a lie that Jazz was a little pleased with at least part of this. Prowl was offering to head off to recharge on his own! Willingly! Without a threat! At least his partner knew that there was some sort of issue that he needed to rest on. Though it didn't make him feel better that he was getting the warnings and such, he hoped that perhaps some of it would reset after a full and solid recharge. He'd probably try to hang around the quarters, camp outside the door or something just in the case that Prowl would try to come out of it earlier than he should and move about. He wasn't about to leave him unattended while he was going through whatever it was that was affecting his system.
Jazz would stand there, bracing himself as he waited on Prowl to move so that they could head off in that direction.
Prowl ended up leaning against his smaller partner, legs braced further apart than his norm and doorwings fluttering restlessly as he tried fruitlessly to balance himself out. "Slowly, I'm not steady." He asked of Jazz, putting an arm across the other mech's shoulders so that he didn't simply fall straight to the floor should his legs give out under him again. "I believe I have had enough for one day."
Twice on the way to his quarters Prowl had to stop Jazz and leaned against the wall as his processors flashed so many error messages at him that he couldn't see, but eventually he got them there. "You may come in with me." He told the other, though he was sure Jazz would be coming in with him anyway.
His personal rooms were utilitarian and sparse, seeing as he was rarely ever in them. There were no personal items scattered around, no sign that anyone used the room. Only the desk with assorted datapads on it suggested otherwise, as Prowl was wont to bring work back with him when he couldn't recharge.
When Jazz made to leave, whenever that was, Prowl rose a hand to stop him. "Jazz? About what you said before." He was staring at a point on the far wall, sitting on the small couch in his common area rather than going straight for his berth in the other room. "Give me time. I've had a rough go of it today and can't make sense of myself, nonetheless something of that magnitude." He wasn't giving an answer one way or the other, but at least this was showing he'd be thinking on it.
The tactician vented softly and made a choice, mostly for his own selfish needs. "Stay with me, won't you? I..." He looked at Jazz then down again, very uncomfortable with what he was about to say. "I don't want to recharge by myself. With you here, if it is not a hinderance to any plans you had for your evening, I may actually recharge and be able to make my processors believe I am safe in my quarters." Paranoia was a strong hinderance in the recharge process.
Jazz just stared, considering Prowl's question. the fact that the tactician was paranoid enough that he asked him to stay so he could recharge did bother him. Something was grossly bothering his partner and he wanted to help in any way he could. Though what could he do but be close to him? That wouldn't stop the spells, the paranoia, the behavior... would it? Then again, maybe it would. Prowl did seem to get more calm when their sparks were close and he loved to feel the ease from his own as well. Still...
Pedes carried him slowly to where Prowl was sitting on the couch. "Shh, Prowl..." Jazz tapped the tactician on the mouth lightly with his index digit to silence him before he turned and sat down on the couch beside h im. Jazz then leaned forward some so that his elbows could be on his knees while he glanced at the floor momentarily. "Of course I'll stay." Was there any doubt in Prowl's processor that he wouldn't? Such nonsense! No way was Jazz going to leave him anyway, but staying in here with him definitely made watching over him much easier. He nodded his helm and smiled then glanced to him. "As long as it helps ya I'm down for it. We'll get ya in the berth and all tucked in an' then I'll lay out here on the couch. If ya need me I'll only be a shout away."
"Prowl, it's no rush with your decision. I just... I guess I just want ya to know where I stand and what I'm offerin' to you. I can't help what my spark wants or the fact that it sings for yours all the time. I know it was a lot all at once, but ya know I fail that that filter thing 'lotta the time. Just take your time decidin' whatcha want. Know that no matter what your choice is, I'll take it. Okay? I ain't plannin' on goin' no where so take all the time ya need."
He was going to have to be blunt about it wasn't he? Prowl sighed and waited the others words, helm tipping slightly to one side. "But will you still be my friend after everything is said and done if things don't go the way you wish them to?" And therein was one of his deepest fears. If, after everything settled down, he decided he simply didn't feel quite that strongly for the other mech, would Jazz still be friendly towards him? Would he still be his sounding board, his confidant, his best friend?
The larger mech shifted on the couch at that point, watching Jazz with absolute intent, his expression serious and optics hyper focused. He was contemplating the best way to go about getting what he wanted out of the other without upsetting some subroutine or the other.
Once Jazz was leaned forward the tactician decided that it was the best moment to make his move, leaning forward as far as he was able and hauling the smaller frame in against his side so that their sparks were reasonably close together and he could bask in the calm that came with being physically close to the smaller mech.
If he were bolder, or slightly less embarrassed, he'd have pulled the other black and white mech straight into his lap and gone into recharge on the couch with their chassis close enough to touch and calm radiating around him. But he wasn't that brave, and didn't know how to go about getting himself to that point.
Jazz was thrown off by the sudden move at being hauled back against Prowl. He wasn't given much time to react but he quickly figured out what was happening and sat there staring at his partner. He didn't want to spook him so he sat there quietly for a bit to let it all settle in since he was pretty certain that Prowl had probably made himself some sort of embarrassed doing this. The closeness was calming to him and he smiled and scooted some as though he were trying to pull away.
He didn't. Instead the smaller mech eeeeeever so slowly turned so that he was now with his legs right over Prowl's lap. Should the tactician want to remove them they'd be easily pushed away, but if he wanted him closer? All he needed to do would be to shift Jazz closer and he'd be right there. Either way, that was left to his partner to decide on.
"Prowl. I'm never gonna stop bein' friends wit'cha. Is that what you're so scared of right now? Sheesh, man! Ya know that ain't how I roll." Jazz chuckled and leaned in so that his helm was against Prowl's shoulder. "I know how I wan'em to go, but I also know that's a lot on ya. I understand that it may just not work out that way and I gotta be realistic 'bout it." He nestled in against his shoulder and just stared at his partner. Up close like this he was even more attractive than he had always thought. The pristine edges of his beautiful red chevron, the way that each piece of his faceplate fit just perfectly together. The bright tint of lighter blue that reflected in his optics...
"Ya know. Ya look even better up close like this. I could get used to it." Typical Jazz joke, but there was a hint of seriousness to it as well. Jazz was liking this new side of Prowl that he seemed to otherwise keep locked away from him. "This... this is a good touch, Prowl." He vaguely knew Prow's protocols, knew what rules he followed. No, he wasn't going to let him be embarrassed and close off after he'd gotten him out of his shell like this. "For a mech who don't do affection all that much, you're good. Just... don't be embarrassed, yeah? When it's just you and me, don't ever be embarrassed or ashamed."
Prowl didn't pull away, but neither did he draw the other any closer. He was already pushing it, and had no wish to cause himself another crash after he was still recovering from the last one. So he let the moment stand as it was and listened to Jazz speak, ever intent on his partner.
"I am out of my depth Jazz. I know, logically, that you aren't going to let this destroy our friendship. However I also know myself and...I'm uncomfortable, and it eases something in me to hear you say so. Not rational, but it is true." He shook his head then shifted the slightest bit so that he could rest his helm against Jazz's instead of the other's against his shoulder.
And then Jazz just had to talk about it. "Stop talking." He couldn't really deal with anything else. Not today, not now, not personal. "I will be what I'll be, and nothing will change that. I'm embarrassed, but I'm going against that feeling to be here, this way, with you. So please, don't push any further."
Jazz pressed his lips together hard enough to form a line and made a twisting gesture with his servo to indicate a key turning in a lock at the corner of his mouth then 'tossed' the invisible key to the side. He smiled at his partner and just stared at him, waiting until he would go into recharge. Jazz was being allowed this much in spite of the strain it was probably causing Prowl so he wasn't going to take anymore. This was enough to him. This was MORE than enough. The saboteur was happy and it showed in his spark with how it gently pulsed and carried a feeling of comfort to Prowl's own.
There was a nuzzle given to Prowl's helm as it rested against his own, just small enough to be felt if only the tactician was paying close enough attention. There was little doubt that the gesture wouldn't have been at least felt but he wouldn't draw attention to it. The way that he shifted somewhat along with it could have been played off as less than something made for more affection and instead just as a way to settle in more comfortably since he hadn't been pushed away.
Nothing needed his attention that day and whatever did come up later? He could push it off until a different time. For now settling his partner and getting him into a deep enough recharge that he could ease off his taxed systems was his top priority.
"Recharge now, Prowl," he whispered to him with a smile. "I'll stay with ya the whole time. See ya when ya come back." That was indication that any further conversation was to cease. He wanted Prowl to relax now and, as promised, he would watch over him until he woke back up.
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