though I long to be (Open Thread!)

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Characters: @moonwing, Open!
Location: A less-used storage room in the base
Content Warnings: N/A
Plot Summary: A new resident of the Autobot Base keeps to herself for fear of alienating her hosts and being sent back out alone into the world, but discovers that friendship isn’t so far away as she thinks.

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It hadn’t been long since she’d been brought to the Autobot Base, but even in that little time Moonwing had grown accustomed to the vague feeling of isolation and alienation. The Autobot base was so… bright, and loud, so unlike The Nemesis in so many ways, and she found herself retreating to the farthest corners of the bunker in order to find some quiet. The young Seeker felt especially wretched for wishing for the silent darkness of her former home, especially when she had been shown such kindness - Ratchet and Pharma had fixed her fractured leg strut, without her having to earn such medical care!

Still, Moonwing felt terribly out of place. While she’d been smaller than many of her fellow Decepticons, most Autobots were now smaller than her. She knew her red optics set her apart from the others, and she knew that some distrusted her solely because of where she’d come from. Poor Moonwing felt uncharacteristically shy, terrified of committing some faux pas and getting herself kicked out for it, and yet in her spark she so desperately wanted to make friends.

It was one such day when things were too bright and loud, and Moonwing had slunk away from the common areas in search of a suitably abandoned room of the base. The young seeker tucked herself into the corner with the datapad she’d stolen from The Nemesis (her most valuable possession) clutched in her claws, and opened up her medical texts to where she’d left off last time. Misery and loneliness welled up in her spark. She started to sniffle.

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To say Smokescreen wasn't a little skeptical when a former Decepticon was brought into their ranks would be a slight understatement.  Sure he wanted to trust them, but you just never knew.  Ratchet and Pharma seemed to trust the newcomer, and she did seem rather frightened when she arrived..  Maybe he was just being a little unfair.

In the passing days, he was up to his usual shenanigans.  Going on patrol, chatting it up with people at the base that didn't necessarily want to talk, watching Earth videos on his datapad.  There was one thing he did notice, and that was how.. secluded the newbie seemed?

Yeah, that was gonna have to change.

Smokescreen grinned, looking around the base for the tall femme.  He eventually came across an unused room in the base, spotting her reading something on a datapad.  He didn't exactly hear the sniffle, but he chose to approach anyway.  What was the harm in saying hello?

"Hey there!"  The Elite Guardsmech smiled, holding out a hand.  "I.. don't think we've really been introduced.  I'm Smokescreen, and I wanna be friends."

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Stepper himself had been anxious about the inclusion of a new bot in general. Not just an ex-Decepticon, but any bot in general. He was still working on his anxiety; on his good days it was easier but on his bad days it was difficult.

Lately had been several bad days in a row. Days he hid away in small spaces and tried to decipher the message that had been sent to his datapad. He was still trying to get past the encryption keys on it, and he was getting more frustrated than ever. He should KNOW this. It was such a familiar pattern but so difficult to decipher!

Today had been one of his better days; he had seen a new face around the base and he needed to try to step outside of himself. That was what he called socializing now. Stepping outside himself.

However, he saw another mech there as well. His confidence was starting to wane. That mech was probably even more interesting!

No. He shouldn't think that about himself.

"H-hi." He spoke from the doorway, fidgeting with his servos in front of himself. "I-I'm Stepper."

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His arm was irritated again, his old battle wound flaring up from doing some exercises to keep it from becoming stiff and trying to keep some range of motion. But, it didn't exactly mean it was doing much for pain and Firelaunch couldn't deny sometimes he would rather skip the exercises and leave it to his own instinct and body to react if it did go bad. However, he also wasn't so keen to have three medics biting his head off for disregarding an injury that had never properly healed and needed some form of exercise to keep it in proper use. 'Things were so much easier when I was traveling alone.' Firelaunch thought with annoyance, rolling his shoulder as he walked from the training room, the borrow lob ball tucked under his free arm.

After a few hour exercise session, Firelaunch had some intention of getting out of base and giving himself some downtime. That was until he heard voice nearby, two young ones in fact. They belonged to two bots he had seen around but had not particularly made much effort to get to introduce himself properly. Now who could they be talking to?

Curious, and possibly leading to something of use, Firelaunch made his way to the source of the voices and finding himself in a much more remote part of the base, a storage room in fact. Just in its doorway he could make out the backside of a bot smaller than himself in size and build, indicating just where the talking was coming from. Making his way over, the dark red and black mech came to stand a few feet behind Stepper, being just near enough to make out two others inside: the young reckless Elite Guardsman Smokescreen and a seeker. A young femme one. Odd, where did she come from? Firelaunch narrowed his optics a moment, silently observing her features and took note of the clawed digits and red optics; this femme had to be a former Decepticon with such features, possibly isolating herself or needing time away. The Autobots here after all weren't all quiet so for a newbie it was probably overwhelming, something he could relate to.

Though, this could prove to be something to mention later if he ever came across a Decepticon he could report his findings to. What was more, she was young still it seemed, much like the two mechs standing before her. "Everything alright here fellas?" Firelaunch finally inquired, voice deep and firm sounding but having a curious tone to it.

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When Sundown found out that the Autobots had taken a former Decepticon into their ranks, suffice to say he was a little curious about the addition. Well, that and a little angry. You just couldn’t trust Cons at their word. What was that dope of the leader thinking allowing this liability into their primary base of operations of all things? Frag, Sundown could take care of it.

Sundown would take care of it.

So here he was, stalking throughout their base with heavy footfalls. At least until he saw a crowd gathering around what was – he was pretty sure - a storage room. He came up behind the lot of them, looming and lumbering like the giant that he was. A titan of both physical and mental acuity. But enough about him – for now – what was going on here?

Smokescreen, Stepper…both rookies in his optic. And they were. Young and green and stupid. The mech closest to him he couldn’t place, but then, he didn’t really care either. Lastly came the femme hiding in the back. She was all crouched up but he could tell that she was tall when she stood up. Not as tall as him, but few were.

The red optics and sharpened actuators were some of the marks of a Decepticon, but what clinched it was her body type. Classic seeker if ever there were one. He’d found his target. “Move aside,” Sundown ordered with a swipe of his claw, callously trying to shove the mechs in front of him away. He’d put an end to this with one fell swoop.

Only, Sundown paused as he looked at her with his one optic, something tugging lightly at his spark. Oh. She was young too. He could see it now. His optic flicked from side to side. Ah. Uh. Oh.

“You’re crowding her.”

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It was ridiculous! Moonwing was surrounded by countless others and yet she felt no more a part of a group than she had upon the Nemesis. Everything here was too bright, too loud. Too much. At least she was beginning to find hiding spots similar to those she’d had back where she’d come from where she could find some peace and sequester herself away from the distrusting looks she knew she was receiving.

Her misery was interrupted, however, by the arrival of another bot. Two bots, one looking more eager to say hello than the other. Startled by their arrival, she jumped, her wings quivering against the wall. And then- another bot appeared in the doorway. The thought of being found crying alone only heightened her misery, and brought embarrassment into the mix. They probably thought her a weakling! She bit her lip to try to keep herself from crying more, and yet coolant still pooled in her optics.

’Stopitstopitstopit-’ Moonwing told herself, as if she could avert the panic and distress already blooming in her spark.

A final bot (this one larger, with only an optic for a face) shouldered his way in past through the small throng, and the young seeker flinched at his threatening demeanour and rough, growling words. This one- this one meant her harm, she knew it, but she was already cornered with nowhere to go and no way to get up and away.

She did then what any overwhelmed young bot would do in her situation - she burst into tears.

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Looked like Smokescreen wasn't the only one looking for the newcomer..

A few others entered the room as well, greeting her or just looking on in.  The young mech really did mean well, and felt bad for Moonwing that she now had a bit of a crowd.  He'd honestly hoped that he would be able to catch her alone and it sorta stay that way, but there was nothing that could be done about that now.  He'd just have to improvise, he told himself.

At least.. that was until Sundown entered the room.

It never once dawned on him that this was having as big of an impact on Moonwing as it was, and it only sunk in further when the poor femme began to cry.  Aw crap..  What do?  What do..?

Smokescreen did back up a bit, giving her some space while he tried to speak softly and gently.  "He-hey.. It's ok.  You don't have to cry.  Anything.. I can do to help?"

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At the wailing and crying, Stepper ducked away from the doorway. He wasn't good with crying; he was terrible with his own emotions and seeing someone else so emotional scared him. He felt his back sliding down the wall and his shoulder tires rolled with the sliding. His helm thwacked back against the wall and he closed his optics tight.

He didn't realize that, like Moonwing, he had started crying. His own was more silent, tears streaking down his face while he drew his own knees up. He hated making others cry. He was sure it was his fault she was crying. It was always his fault. He always messed up at some point. That was what he did.

That was why he couldn't decrypt the message. Because he messed up. Because he hurt others. His frame was caught between fight and flight. And suddenly it happened.

He gripped the doorway, still unaware of the tears that threatened to spill over. His digits wrapped around the doorframe and he suddenly blurted. "I'm so sorry!" It was then that he realized Firelaunch was there and felt even worse. "I think I made her cry. NO, I KNOW I DID." He himself had finally been made aware at the stinging, wet sensation in his own optics. Great, now he felt like he was hogging the attention himself. He had been trying to be nice and introduce himself and now this.

He took off his visor for a moment and started rubbing his arm along his face as though he didn't deserve to cry. She was scared and lonely and deserved to be able to let it out. It didn't matter that he wasn't fully to his final upgrades himself.

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Firelaunch was at a loss for word. It seemed the sudden crowd had overwhelmed the young femme, making him feel a little bad that maybe he wasn't helping the situation himself. Honestly, it seemed aside from Moonwing herself he was larger than the two younger mechs before him, both in height and bulk, which maybe could come off as intimidating. She was scared, fearful, something far from being anything a real Decepticon would resort to doing. It was probably a wonder why she left in the first place. A part of Firelaunch did feel bad, but that was mainly his Flamefist persona talking, his Autobot side.

It was then one of the other two mechs there also broke out into tears, perhaps from guilt or anxiety. Once more Firelaunch was left speechless, not entirely sure what to do in such a situation, until he heard Smokescreen speak up, his tone gentle and soft. "Good idea rookie." "Flamefist" told Smokescreen quietly before deciding to turn his attentions first to Stepper who seemed to be breaking down emotionally.

"Take it easy kid." The currently dark red and black mech said, tone gentle as he knelt in front of the young Stepper, setting aside the lob ball he had held under his arm at his side. "Its not your fault she's crying kid, its no ones fault. I believe she's just overwhelmed, new place, new faces, she probably doesn't know how to act or what to do. Too many of us coming here at once seems to just have pushed her over an edge we didn't see." He explained as gently as he could, having never really had to do such a thing before. He was use to the rough environment of the Decepticons and his days in Kaon, dealing with younglings had been almost non-existent in his case.

But trying something was better than nothing wasn't it?

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Poor Moonwing! With the emotional rollercoaster of leaving everything she’d known behind and being taken in under Ratchet and Pharma’s tutelage into this strange underground bunker, it was truly a wonder that she’d not broken down sooner. Being seen by not one but three different bots bawling her eyes out like some sort of newspark only made it worse. What must they think of her now?

Moonwing bit down on her lip (her fanged dentae conspicuous; Autobots didn’t have them, after all, yet another thing to set her apart) to stifle her whimpering as she stared with wide, teary red optics up at the blue and white bot standing above her. He was only trying to be friendly, and here she was making a mess of everything! Of course there was something to cry over!

The young seeker caught sight of an equally distressed bot over his shoulder, one with a visor and a datapad, and her spark sank even harder. He was crying too, and it was all her fault. Could she do nothing good? And by the sound of his own anxious words, he thought that he was the one at fault.

“N-No! N-no, s’not you’re f-fault!” She croaked, voice hoarse, beside herself with the thought that she had caused another such misery and then made them think that they were responsible. “It’s m-mine! I can’t d-do anything right anywhere!”

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Smokescreen wanted to find some way of easing the situation, and joking around wasn't going to make it any better.  Especially now that there was one bot in tears.  Honestly, Smokescreen was completely thrown off guard when Stepper started to cry, but at least he was getting some comfort from the other mech that he didn't really know all that well

Maybe it would give him a chance to..

Oh.  Now the femme was crying.

...scrap.

"H-hey.  Don't say that.  You didn't do anything wrong.  And that goes for you too, Stepper.  Maybe.. we all just got off on the wrong ped?  You don't have to cry.  Really."  The Elite Guardsmech crouched down near Moonwing, but still far enough that he could give the poor seeker femme some space.

"There anything you like to do?  I mean, we could go some kinda group activity and get to know each other better, or.. I dunno.  Something.  But don't say you can't do anything right.  Certainly there's something you don't screw up, right?"

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Not his fault? How could they say it wasn't his fault? Of course it was his fault! He was boorish and ungainly and annoying and always in everyone's faces! His vents were whirring and cranking hard at this point. Why had he tried to step out of his comfort zone, why?!

He tried hard not to cry, hiding just outside the door. He tried to put a hand out to the mech in front of him. "Back up, please back up, please..." His voice didn't sound as hysterical now, but it was tinged with a squeak when it didn't outright creak and crack. His vents were still whirring wildly.

He could feel his processor ringing, and he finally covered his audials.

"I wanted to be nice...I wanted to step outside my comfort zone...but I upset someone and that's all there is to it. Don't tell me I didn't because I did."

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As Stepper had requested, Firelaunch scooted back slightly to give the poor mech some space actually feeling a twinge of guilt that he may have just made his distress worse. Although when he spoke, he didn't seem as hysterical but that didn't stop him from being upset still. His door wings gave a frustrated twitch that he couldn't help, internally feeling unsure of what to do and frustrated that the younger bots were more difficult to deal with than expected. This was not one of his fortes!

But perhaps Smokescreen was onto something. "Stepper, the rookie there has a point, we all just got off on the wrong pede. You and the little seeker there are just...overwhelmed." Firelaunch tried to keep his tone gentle and calming, but internally was struggling to keep the frustration under control. "Let's just take a few deep intakes, calm yourself and lets try this again." He told him, hoping the younger mech was actually listening.

Primus give him strength at this rate.